Beyond Patrol
by AdorableSlowBro
Summary: *Takes place after Divinity On Patrol(With rare exceptions this will pertain to Merus's POV*. He just joined the Galactic Patrol. Of course free from angelic responsibilities, Merus was still...adjusting to his life. Excellent patroller, but acting normal was a foreign concept he'd soon learn. Thankfully his teammates should help him adjust. AU! On hiatus.
1. Caw-Fey? Coo-Fey? Koff-fee?

**Changed chaps because it fit the narrative better. This is a second part purely because I didn't want it getting too long! I don't own anything lol.**

(Merus' POV)

Despite the blunder I had found myself pulling by...miscalculating his majesties ...appendage, the others found it ever so **hilarious** ...Turns out that this embarrassing and ungodly situation had the misfortune of happening frequently.

By the gods that was utterly humiliating. I've never been so mortified in my entire existence. I flinched at their laughter. It appears I've been made a fool of. The last time I had all eyes on me like this with judgement earned me disdain and disappointment.

Such a mistake would have costed me extreme scolding and anger from my fellow gods. It seemed the mortals were far more lax and ignorant thankfully. They just found it so comical did they not?

"Hey Merus, you ok?"

"I'm...just fine 'Jaco'. Just fine…" He wouldn't understand anyhow. He's just a mortal. They're too ignorant to possibly understand me at all. I feigned a smile at the situation, pleaded it hid the embarrassment that was consuming me.

Quickly I weaseled my out of the situation and remained silent as I locked myself away in my newly assigned adobe. It was absolutely pathetic compared to the spacious temple back at home, but for mortal technology it would suffice.

In the morning of the next day, I heard an alarm beep. I had no need for rest so it didn't startle me. The door refused to open when I pulled on it. I was tempted to break the door with pure strength, but saw a fellow patroller pull out their ID card as the machine scanned it, before letting them in.

Oh. So that's how things worked.

I pulled out my identification and let myself in. Perfect. At least mortals were smart to have the bare minimum of a security system. We gods had no need for technology, since very few could enter the godly realm anyway.

I saw certain members trying away on their computers, most likely searching through the security database. I saw an empty computer and decided to go over the database. They updated a few things, such as adding 'The Galactic Bandit Brigade' under the imprisoned category with long sentences tacked onto each individual.

That android, Seven Three was missing a few things under his powers due to personal experience. I added 'Able to steal powers between a number of three individuals' into his skill-set. Should come in handy on the rare off chance they try anything.

I was simply skimming through the database through alphabetical order when a strange one appeared. It was classified as Moro. That was odd. I decided to investigate.

Name: Moro. Age: Unknown. Species : Anthropomorphic Goat. Crimes:Murder, Mass Genocide, Terrorism, Destruction 320 Planets, Treachery, General cause of Anarchy. Powers: Vast Array of Magic, Strength,Telekinesis, Planet Absorption, Energy Absorption. Date Of Capture: 2 days ago, with the assistance of the Great Lord Of Lords, Moro's magic was drained and imprisoned in a weakened state. Time of Sentence: Life Long Sentence).

Life long sentence!? For a monster who ate hundreds of planets!? How was that possible?

"Agent Merus, whatcha looking at?"

"Prisoner files. It appears this Moro has quite a long list of offenses. Yet he has a life sentence despite the crimes he committed being worthy of death…"

'Jaco' peered that the screen and cringed."Yikes...320 planets. Damn. Well the only reason he's alive is because even in his weakened state killing him is beyond our capabilities. Don't worry about him though, he'll be locked until he dies..No doubt he was put somewhere far back from the other criminals. We have special places reserved for the worst of the worst."

"I hope so." Still something eerie about him made me close off the tab. Let's hope this Moro never appears on our radar again. He was just recently imprisoned before I even started this patrol career.

"You worry too much Merus. You just started out and you haven't gotten to the cafe yet! Come on Merus! Let's go!"

The what? What is this 'cafe' they speak of? I followed Jaco inside this cafe. All patrollers were sitting at separate tables and eating. Jaco bought his lunch from the counter. I reluctantly sat beside him, boredly watching him drink. This activity wasn't very exciting I had to admit.

"Umm...Merus," He awkwardly started, snapping me out of my trance."The whole point of being of being in a cafe is to eat."

I cocked an eyebrow."But I require no sustenance." I've never eaten in my entire existence, it wasn't necessary. Why should I eat?

"At least try it Merus. It won't kill you." He handed me a strange cup with a particular smell. I blanked. What was I supposed to do with this?

"Um...what am I supposed to do with the cup?" It had something in it, but I wasn't certain what this creation was. What was I supposed to do with it?

He looked speechless at my question."You're supposed to drink it…"

It? What was this substance anyway? I couldn't possibly identify it by smell. It was overly strong in aroma and it wasn't like anything that entered my nostrils before. Nothing the mortals had in my universe produced this type of strange substance.

"Its coffee Merus. Its made from beans. We normal people like drinking it cause it tastes great. Try it."

Koff-Fey? What a strange name for a beverage.

"Koff-Fey?"

"Coffee."

"Kog-Fi?

"Coffee.."

"Cough-ee?"

"Coffee.."

"Caw-fey?"

Jaco suddenly threw his arms up in the air and groaned."Merus no! Its Coffee!"

I think I got it. It's on the tip of my tongue. I believe I understand it.

"So it's Coo-fey?"

"Ugh...No. Its Kaa-fee. Repeat after me, Kaa-fee."

"Kaa-fey."

"Try again Merus. Kaa-fee. Kaa-fee. Kaa-fee. Say it with me."

"Co-Co-Coffee…?" It was a struggle but I managed to pronounce the word properly.

"Yes! Finally you got it right. It took an eternity, but you did it!"

I guess I succeeded in this 'Coffee' pronunciation. Jaco encouraged me to drink this 'Coffee'. I blinked and attempted to process how I drink this substance. I reluctantly rose the cup like I had seen others do, copying their movements. I drank a sip of it before the overwhelming urge to SPIT IT OUT consumed me. It was so bitter and revolting that I refused to let it sit in my mouth.

I immediately coughed it out."**Oh my gods **that was the most foul beverage I've had the misfortune of tasting! Blech!"

How do mortals drink this stuff? Its hot, bitter, and tasted dark. Oh gods, it so awful! The smell is so strong!

"Damn Merus, you really don't like coffee do you? You practically spit it out on me too..." It turned out 'Jaco' was right in range of my coughing fit, as he was covered in that disgusting drink. I had to admit if I wasn't choking I would've laughed at how hilarious he looked. Mortals were funny.

I wretched."I don't understand how you drink this stuff. It's so bad…"

"Eh. I like my coffee dark honestly. I don't mind sugar but I like not having a rush honestly. Well obviously coffee isn't going to do you any good, so how about...tea?"

Anything is better than that morbid 'drink' that they dare call 'Coffee'. I nodded and he gave me a different cup.

I reluctantly drank it. It was sunshine and rainbows compared to that disaster he fed me earlier. It smells pleasant, tasted fresh and calm in comparison. I drank it all within a couple seconds. It was the first drink I had in...who knows how long.

Jaco was a good distance away from out of the sake of me not spitting on him again."So since I'm not being projected with tea, I sense it isn't terrible?"

It could be sweeter and colder, but I'll take it. Tea was familiar, I saw the kais consume it all the time, but I never bothered to have some myself. I was too busy with Universal affairs to care about simple pleasures until now.

I agreed."It's not awful. Not stellar but I like it far better than that…'Coffee' of yours."

"Whatever floats your boat Merus."

What floats my boat?"Eh?"

"It's a phrase."

"Oh...I see." Suddenly my antenna's static sound entered my ears. My eyes narrowed as a voice rang through my ears."Agent Merus, there is a suspicious activity at planet Zoom. Please investigate these distress calls."

I scoffed,"On my way. Apologizes Jaco, but it appears someone is causing disruption again. I'll be handling this."

"Guess I'm piloting with Irico on your mission too. Might as well head out."

"Indeed."

**Context on my previous story if you want to know! Reviews are appreciated down below!**

**Peace out.**


	2. Shot Down

**Peace and Love guys! Just scroll down and enjoy I guess! **

(Merus's POV)

Mortals certainly were strange, if these past days have taught me anything. Though their technology was archaic in comparison to ours, it was somewhat reliable to an extent. This Planet Zoom had suspicious activity that was necessary to investigate.

I already had a feeling it was a bunch of criminals doing who knows what. Agent 'Jaco' and 'Irico' I believe his name was, were piloting the ship. I refilled my ammo and my other tools before I go out.

I rose from my chair to see a large orange sphere in my view. The planet was below average looking from my experience. Not a lot of lifeforms on the place. It only housed one dominant species so it wasn't shocking. It wasn't like much like the other lively planets I have seen before. It was desolate and harsh in weather. We reached the bleak surface of the planet.

From what the files said it was not very populated but contained certain riches of some sort.

"How spectacular…" I was looking out of the ship through this strange force field. I'm still awestruck. Mortals had quite of view of planets from here. It was so amazing! I never saw views like this unless I used my staff, and even then, it was nothing like physically flying above the planet.

Suddenly the invisible force field stopped my face from peering out the window. I knocked on it. What a strange force field...I tried to peer closer as the invisible force field prevented me from sticking my head out the force field. Damned contraption."Agent 'Jaco' this strange force field is inhibiting me."

'Jaco' then witnessed me attempt to peer through the force field."Merus...its a window. Put your seatbelt on, we're still in outer space. I doubt you can breathe out there."

I scoffed. Can't breathe out there? How amusing. If only they knew…

Suddenly the view became clouded and dusty."Agent Jaco? Agent Irico? Why is the view now cloudy?"

'Irico' responded."Well Agent Merus, Planet Zoon is known for having rough weather. From what our recent files say, Planet Zoon has been known in later months to have rough cases of violent sandstorms in later months. We just so happened to arrive in the middle of their dusty weather."

"Well that's utterly fantastic!" 'Jaco' suddenly exclaimed,"We're going to have to land as fast as possible."

"Why?" I inquired. Why would we have to land early?

"Merus it's way too unsafe to fly during a sandstorm. Winds pick up on these planets. We could risk crashing."

Indeed. However I felt something catch my eye from the window. It was glowing and it was ...coming right towards us!? Before I could react it collided into our ship, exploding and causing a crash. The ship was going down and spiraling.

Panic ensued as 'Jaco' and 'Iricio' were fighting to maintain control. I struggled to maintain my position as I clung to the seat."W-What is happening!? Why are we crashing!?"

"SOMEONE SHOT US DOWN! WE'RE GOING TO CRASH! EVERYONE PREPARE FOR IMPACT!"

Impact!? Oh gods no. If we were going to crash I wasn't going to let us all burn with this ship. I rushed to the control board. Iricio tried to shove me off of the board."MERUS ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL US!? GET OFF OF THE BOARD! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING!"

I ignored his pleas. I frantically searched for any solution. I saw a button that said 'Eject' and slammed the glaring button down. Suddenly both of them were forced out of the spaceship as the opening gave way.

With Agent Irico and Jaco no longer piloting, I tried my best not with my limited experience to steer the ship to a stable track. The ship was spiraling downwards. I cursed. Damn it, I can't control it! It's too unstable!

Suddenly an explosion hit me full force as the entire aircraft collided onto the ground. Fire and the smell of burning equipment exploded right in my face. The entire aircraft had exploded, pieces of metal and other craft had laid on top of me.

I coughed as the smoke entered my face. Smelled foul! Like burning fuel and such. Not only was trapped under rubble but I'm covered dust and smelled like burnt craft. I was slightly dazed by the smell that I didn't move.

Suddenly I heard strange voices echoing out for me."Merus! Merus where are you!?"

"Under here!"

"Don't worry, we'll get you out! Come on Jaco, lets get him out! This ship will explode with the amount of fuel here." I saw a white glove moving rubble out of the way before it reached for me. I grabbed it immediately, and was taken back by them running away with me.

We stopped when the sound of an even larger explosion deafened us. My teammates were covering their faces. I watched in awe as the spaceship were finally obliterated itself in the explosion. There goes our way back to HQ it seems...

"We made it…" 'Irico' heaved.

"Barley. And we just lost a good ship." 'Jaco' muttered."Merus what the hell was that? You could've died! Do you realize how dangerous that stunt you pulled was!?"

"But I didn't." And I wouldn't have anyway. Outside of the smoke that stained my face I was spotless. The explosion didn't hurt. Honestly mortals were far more fragile than they realized and they were worried for **my** health? Ha, how funny.

"Still, we're technically responsible for what happened to new recruits, you endanger yourself by staying there. Just don't do anything stupid like that again, we're patrollers not death agents."

I rolled my eyes as we continued forward. Agent 'Jaco' and 'Irico' led the way. For some strange reason 'Jaco' had placed a purple protective covering visor over his eyes. Irico did the same thing. I wonder why. I felt completely fine.

"Hey Merus," 'Irico addressed me."You want protective covering over your eyes?"

"Why?"

"Merus, we're walking in the middle of a goddamn sandstorm. It's difficult to see five feet in front of me with dust getting in my eyes. And I have better vision than both of you."

"No thanks. I do not need it. The weather doesn't affect me. Do not worry for me, I'd rather get to what we came for."

I could see through the dust just as well.

I have no need for such a device. Weather hot or cold it didn't matter to me. I was immune to such inconveniences thankfully.

Father had graciously and oh so generously programmed us with immunity to weather's effects. Whether it be the scorching sun or the freezing cold, it was all the same to me. I could travel through space and universes, the weather wouldn't bother me anyway.

Even through the dust I could make out the silhouette villages."I see civilisation up ahead."

When we arrived in front, the place look relatively empty. Despite the buildings still standing it was like nobody was here.

"You two see anyone?'

"Nope. It's like a total ghost town here. Where did that distress call come from if nobody here?"

"It obviously came from somewhere." I said."The villages aren't that big, if we don't find anything we'll need to search this entire planet. Our ship is destroyed so we don't have a choice."

**Sorry for the lateness but your support is greatly appreciated. Tell me what you guys think of this story below! **


	3. Energy Shield

**You know the drill guys. Scroll down!**

(Merus's POV)

The villages were underdeveloped for the most part. Most of it looked like you could destroy it at the touch of a finger. Their homes were primitive in regards to development and made of stone. Finding anyone was impossible considering how quiet everything was. It was like the entire civilization had vanished out of sight.

I struck my antennas."Nothing here. Anything you two can find?"

"Nope." Jaco said."Its like they weren't even here in the first place. I don't see how an entire population just evaporates into thin air, but this place is giving me the desolate and its a ghost town."

"Agent 'Irico' anything with you?"

"...Guys I believe I've uncovered some sort of entrance."

"Alright, dibs on going first!" Jaco exclaimed, suddenly blitzing past me into the hole. I heard a scream. There was a large thud after a couple of seconds.

"It appears that 'Jaco' has reached the bottom. Shall we continue after him?"

"Don't see why not. You go first Merus."

"Thank you."

I jumped downwards. Landing on a squishy surface. What a soft landing. The ground is a lot softer than I expected.

Agent 'Irico' learned shortly afterwards, using his boots to soften his fall."Better than I expected honestly."

"Indeed. Though, I wonder, where has Agent 'Jaco' wandered off to? He was the first to fall down here was he not?"

'Irico' suddenly looked beneath my feet and for some odd reason began to sweat. I asked if anything was the matter and to my surprise, he murmured a fraction of a sentence,"Erm...well Agent Merus…"

"What? I something the matter?"

"Well you're kind of standing on him."

"I'm what?" I looked down and saw Jaco buried beneath me. That explained my soft landing. I quickly removed myself from 'Jaco'."Oh sorry Agent 'Jaco', forgive me for the landing on you. I didn't see you beneath me."

"Argh...Watch it Merus. Seriously I'm not elastic you know."

"I didn't mean for that to happen. I will ensure this mistake will never occur again."

"Yeah yeah whatever."

I sighed as Agent 'Irico' shook his head at 'Jaco' before pulling out a flashlight."Enough Jaco, we need to check out this distress signal. Someone has to be down here…"

We decided to investigate further. I could see just fine in dark or light, it doesn't matter to me. Father had so graceful and caring to grant me these immunities that plagued mortals.'Jaco' had far better vision than the rest of us due to his species being superior in terms of eyesight.

Suddenly 'Jaco' put his hand, trying to cease our movement. I narrowed my eyes."What are you-"

He put a hand over my mouth. "Merus hush."

A spark ignited within my original programming that overpowered any sense of self I had. Father told me to hush. **To be silent. To trust him and obey whatever he said.**That was a command that I had an obligation to obey.

Normally I'd scoff at such an order from a mortal, but memories of my father repeating this phrase caused me to fall into my default programming of obedience. I remained utterly silent.

Agent 'Irico' attempted to comfort me, I simply shook my head and proceeded forward. The mission was far more important than my emotions or his concern for me. I didn't need concern for my well being.

'Jaco' motioned towards a certain area. He had better vision than the both of us so I expected him to find something truly interesting. Many power levels were gathered in one area more visibly.

I saw civilians chained together by their feet, all gathered in one corner. They were shaking in fear for their lives. I gripped my gun.

"Alright boss." I heard a voice of a group of aliens. They were dressed in baggy garments and what you expected from space pirating fools."We plundered everything of value. What should we do with these guys? They're just extra baggage to carry."

"Easy. We sell off to the highest bidder on the market. We get more money and they'll be out of our hair. It's a win win scenario."

Agent 'Jaco' and 'Irico' motioned for me to stay back as they wanted to handle this. I narrowed my eyes but stood back. They approached the group of criminals with their guns aimed.

Jaco was the first to speak."Halt! Galactic Patrol! You're going with us psychos!"

They turned to them, the criminals seemed irritated at their presence. Their leader snarled,"Oh just lovely. Cops. I thought we destroyed you in the crash. Should've known these freaks would call for help from your kind."

"Can't kill us that easily." 'Irico' said simply."Now either you go hands up with weapons down or we go the physical way."

"Knowing these freaks it's the latter..Look you got your options, pick your poison cause we have a cell number waiting right back at HQ." 'Jaco' growled.

They of course didn't listen and began firing away at each other, taking cover behind rocks, endless barrages of bullets firing left and right.

However my eyes caught the sight of a large shooting device that caused rocks to crumble from above. That leader of theirs was trying to close us off! That was what had been used against our ship, no doubt an illegal weapon with such power.

He was going to make the entire surface collapse at the roof of the cave. I quickly made a step forward towards him. He was going to damage this planet with his toy. I will not let him get away with this.

He didn't listen to me. He tried to fire at the hostages, but shot his attack away as it ended up hitting one of his men badly. The mortals were such fools, thinking that I would let them go.

They all looked desperate as time went on. However their leader aimed his rocket launcher directly above us and at the highest setting he fired. The surface began to collapse on us as the planet shook. Everyone else was too much in shock and began hiding and screaming.

They were laughing at me. Those fools thought this was funny...they thought that suffering was funny. How dare they...How dare they try to take away this planet's right to life!? My eyes violently twitched.

These criminals would never have their way with me.

I encased myself in an energy shield around my allies. I had been largely suppressing my energy the entire time, but out of nowhere a burst of energy caused my shield to explode outwards.

The planet had a large hole in it. I hadn't even meant to do that. My shield had exploded a large portion of the planet. I stood in shock at what I had done.

The shield dissipated before my own eyes. 'Jaco' and 'Irico' looked in confusion. They had no clue what had just occurred. The hostages were similar yet grateful. The criminals were nowhere in sight and I could no longer sense them no matter how hard I tried.

It dawned on me what I had done. I had...killed them. What have I done...

if only they had just gone with us without resisting they would have survived, but they didn't.

"Merus, they're gone. I think that rocket blew up a good portion of the planet's surface. I think anymore and this planet would be a wasteland." No. It would be destroyed. I hadn't intended for the attack to be so powerful...I was simply planning for it to protect us, not become an attack.

And they didn't know the truth.

It wasn't my fault of course. They did it to themselves. The mortals acted out and refused to stand down, and thus they received what they sought. Some things were better off kept under wraps.

"I believe so. The criminals must've perished. How should we explain this to HQ? We failed the mission didn't we? We failed to capture the criminals."

We were supposed to bring them in. They were dead so it was impossible now. Not to mention keep the treasure, and I'm certain that was annihilated as well. Failure isn't tolerated and frowned upon back at the hierarchy. I doubt something like this would be able to slide.

Agent 'Irico' shook his head towards me."Don't worry Merus. Galactic King is pretty lenient on these kind of things. It was an accident. Nothing we could've done. They did it to themselves."

I can't believe how lenient mortals were. This would be heavily reprimanded and frowned upon by the gods. I don't get how they are so understanding.

"Besides the important part is that these guys are alive!" 'Jaco' suddenly pointed to the hostages. We quickly freed them from their shackles and were showered with praise and thanks.

I apologized them for costing them their treasure, as it appeared a planet with such climate lacked overwhelming amounts of riches. They smiled for some reason."Don't worry officer, the treasure was right beside us. Nothing of value was lost. We're thankful for your service."

I was shocked as I saw a wooden treasure chest before us. We were thanked and asked to come again any time.

I turned to my comrades."Agent 'Jaco'? How should we leave? Our ship is destroyed and there appears to be no feasible way off this planet."

"Already on it. I just dispatched to HQ. They'll be sending a spacecraft to pick us up from Planet Zoon within thirty minutes. We should be back within an hour and a half at the latest."

Like 'Jaco' said, our ship arrived thirty minutes later. I remained silent the way back to HQ, as my thoughts about today flooded my mind. I've never killed anyone before, it had always been my God Of Destruction.

The idea of killing someone never appealed to me, yet I had done it. Was it wrong? Maybe, but I saved lives. That was what I was supposed to do. I was supposed to obey the rules to save lives.

Despite this, I felt the need to suppress myself more. Who knows what could happen if I did such a careless mistake again...I could endanger everyone.

**Thanks for reading. Tell me what you think in the reviews below! Goodbye!**


	4. Galactic Pilot

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(Merus's POV)

I sat beside myself as we arrived back to HQ. I still hadn't recovered fully at the idea of killing someone I had never directly done that before.

Killing an individual had never crossed my mind before. Yet I had done it without even thinking.

We landed on the deck with a decent landing this time around. The Galactic King must've heard about our situation as we were bombarded by questions.

I stood in the background as my comrades were questions, not a word escaped from my mouth.

"What happened? We heard your distress call that a ship had been destroyed."

"Well Merus kind of crashed it accidently."

I did **what **now….

Irico suddenly interrupted."Correction Agent Jaco, this happened after our ship was hit with a rocket launcher…"

"And what of the convicts?"

I stiffened as 'Jaco' informed him of the convicts subsequent deaths by an accidental misfire. I averted my gaze as this was said. I sighed. At least they hadn't found out my crime. I prayed that this would be forgiven easily as 'Irico' had mentioned.

Surprisingly the Galactic King was forgiving."Oh, well accidents like this can happen. Though ships like ours are expensive to create so we'll need a way to prevent such recklessness from happening." He suddenly addressed me."Agent Merus?"

"...Yes…"

"I have to say you are doing well mission wise. You have demonstrated the ability of acting fast from what your teammates say. Though I believe that to prevent future incidents like this that tutoring is necessary."

Jaco' piped up."Tutoring for what exactly?" '

"Agent Merus is an excellent patroller considering his rank, but to prevent a loss of ships, training him to fly an aircraft would be advisable. Which is exactly why I'm entrusting both of you to assist him in learning."

"Wait what!? Are you kidding me? Can't 'Irico' teach him? I'm the one who brought him here and I have to constantly watch over him?"

"Until Merus is completely capable he is technically under your responsibility. Enough arguing, I have other things to attend to please." The Galactic King slithered away with 'Jaco' fuming. I didn't understand his frustration and asked."Agent 'Jaco' are you alright?"

"Just peachy…."

"Enough sarcasm Jaco. The King's order is still an order."

"Fine...but where are we going to get a ship suitable for someone who's never piloted? I don't trust Merus riding around with our normal ships without any experience."

Oh...Oh…

Of course they didn't trust me. I scoffed to myself. They thought that was too fragile, didn't they? Ha! How funny. Though if they don't trust me with a proper ship what exactly was I supposed to pilot?

"I got it. There are plenty of archaic ship models in the back of Galactic Patrol. We've since scrapped their conventional use in modern times. Honestly they're more for decoration at this point, but I believe it is better than letting Merus fly around in our newer models."

Archaic models? I'd like to see what they had in stock if I wasn't allowed to fly the proper ships. It felt degrading to be forced to use the scraps of what was led me to a separate part of headquarters. Agent 'Irico' pulled out his card and entered it within the security system, identifying him and allowing entry.

The machine examined my card as well. I, however, was taken aback by the sudden security scan of my body as the machine began surveying my face.

"Eh?" I stood there in confusion as it scanned me head to toe before letting me pass. By the gods what kind of contraption acted like this?

That was certainly strange and peculiar. Agent 'Jaco' noticed this and informed me the security system did that with people who they didn't have a lot of information in the database, as usually such people weren't let into special areas like these. Suddenly it dawned on me, I hadn't shared a lot with them so the database must've been trying to identify me through any other ways.

Mortals were strange creatures weren't they…such flawed machines they created.

Quickly I tried to move my mind away from the astounding security system. I followed my comrades ahead to the display of Galactic Patrol Aircrafts. Some of the notable ones that had been sent on special mission were put on display, having nicknames and history behind them.

Many of them had specific dates of use from millions of years back. The earliest model was rather small and simple in design, I had to blink just to see if this was truly an aircraft of some sort.

Judging by the fact they stopped production shortly after a few missions meant they must've found enough funds to create superior ships to come from the first one. After that were dozens upon dozens of designs and models

Evolution at its finest. It was interesting seeing the mortals' work being put on display for all to see.I examined a more recent model and touched it. Suddenly I heard 'Irico's' voice."Hey Merus, you found a ship you wanted to fly?"

Well no, I was simply examining it. However I did want to get past this I nodded." Absolutely. Shall we continue?"

"Head on aboard Merus, we need to teach you to operate this for practice. Come on Jaco! Get on." He lead me inside the aircraft. Obviously less advanced than the one I was used to seeing as I was currently in an older model, but it was still somewhat impressive to me.

As we entered the ship I stood in awe. For an old model it had been well taken care of. Agent 'Irico' instrutched for me to wait as he wanted to get the model into outer space before I took over. Most likely to ensure I didn't crash into any of the models on display or anything.

Agent 'Jaco' was copiloting in another seat on the other side of the ship. I was examining the control panels from Agent 'Irico's' shoulder. I had no idea what these buttons meant, all I could focus on was the control panels with bright colors on them.

Once we got within a far distance from HQ, 'Irico' turned to me."Agent Merus, now that we're within a safe distance away from HQ, I believe practicing your piloting skills would be advisable."

"Indeed. I shall proceed then. Would you mind moving yourself so I can pilot the aircraft?"

"Of course." He existed out of the seat and I made stationed myself at his former location. I was about to try taking off but 'Irico' stopped me."Merus, put your seatbelt on."

"My what?"

"The seat belt. Unless you want to go flying out the window that is." He motioned for this strap on the seat. I struggled to understand the concept for this strap.

Mortal contraptions are so strange. The hells am I supposed to do with this? He had to guide me on how I put the seatbelt on. It was a bit embarrassing I have to admit. By Zenos above it was so humiliating to have to be confined by a mortal of all lifeforms…

Quickly I tried to ignore this fault and try flying. Of course my first inclination was to put my hands on the steering circle."So how do I control this thing?"

"Well first Merus you have to push forward-"

"Push forward, understood." I quickly put the machine into activation with the steering circkle forced forward through the cosmos. I was zooming over outer space. I had to admit the view was rather pretty. It was just gorgeous, the view this ship provided from here was spectacular.

I noticed my teammates diverting gazes towards me, a strange emotion of what they called 'panic' ensued.."Is something wrong?"

"Hey Merus, no offense could you ease up a bit, we're going a bit fast for a first attempt?"

"Merus slow it down will ya!? This isn't a rollercoaster! We have speed limits in outer space you know!"

I blinked at the command, an error on my part. Damn it, another mistake. No wonder Father said I was cracked.

"Oh...alright. My deepest apologies for the error. I won't repeat it." I eased the ship to a steady speed, my comrades seemed to be at ease. I was still unsure about the controls as this ship was an archaic model and hadn't been in use in some time.

Suddenly a large asteroid began coming to view. Right towards our direction!

"Oh my gods!"

I instinctively swerved left on the side of the ship, just managing to scrape by the asteroid.

Thankfully the ship was unharmed and I made it through the possible collision.I heard a loud thumping noise, it was the sound of my teammates rocking around the ship, clinging for dear life. It must

'Jaco' whined."Merus please stop being so rough on turns, you're going to kill us faster than the asteroid will at this rate."

"Cut him some slack he's just starting. Alright Merus, let's try to steer clear of any asteroid collisions, alright?"

"I shall." I strived to avoid such distractions throughout the cosmos to lessen their complaints. Upon seeing the next asteroids standing in my way, I was instructed to go above and avoid them entirely.

My mind had other ideas.I pushed upward and swirled around each individual asteroid, performing the exercise of dodging each one despite their pleas. I was far too determined to prove their assumptions of me wrong.

"Dang Merus, you're good at dodging, but don't you're going a bit too fast?"

"I'm doing just fine at this speed."

"Yeah well not everyone can handle this speed, I swear Merus you're going to kill us faster than the ship crashing will."

I scoffed."No I won't." 'Jaco' is so dramatic. I swear to the gods above he panics at every little thing. He was being ridiculous.

I kept going at my speed for a while. Even if they don't like my speed, even 'Jaco' stopped complaining about it.

Agent 'Irico' went elsewhere in another part of the ship for a few minutes, leaving me by myself at the control I saw a strange button on the board that caught my eye. It was glowing and located on the left side.

"I wonder what his button does…" I pushed it. To my surprise nothing happened. That was strange. Maybe the model's buttons aren't completely up to date. That would explain why it wouldn't be functioning properly.

Suddenly 'Irico' came back."Alright Merus, seems like you got things under control for the most part. Few things could be worked on, but it's an improvement."

"Glad to hear that."

He suddenly looked back and forth. I inquired if something was the matter."Where is Agent Jaco?"

I turned to see he was no longer piloting in his seat. That was strange. He was just there a moment ago."I have no idea. He was just there. Maybe he went elsewhere in the ship."

"Maybe. Hey look Merus, it's a shooting star!"

I raised an eyebrow."A shooting what?"

I witnessed a large white meteor pass by. I guess that's what mortals called a 'shooting star'. What a strange name for a meteorite ,as it looked nothing like the stars I had seen in my Universe. I had to admit it was gorgeous aesthetically. I've never seen anything like this in my Universe, and none of mortals came up with names on it.

"Fascinating. Though why is it called a 'shooting star'? Is there any purpose outside of its looks?"

"Well some people in different cultures believe that shooting stars grant wishes and what not."

I suppressed the laughter I felt, mortals had such funny cultures! They were so funny, it was comical! I had a crooked smile as I put a hand on my mouth."Apologizes but that was funny. Sounds silly."

"Eh, cultures are different. I see dozens of them." He then averted his gaze upwards."Dang two in a row."

I squinted as I took a closer look at what 'Irico' described as a shooting star. Except it didn't look like one at all."I don't believe that's a shooting star, Agent 'Irico'."

"Yeah you're right...It kind looks like…Jaco?"

"What?" I took a closer look and saw 'Jaco' land right on the glass, startling the both of us."A-Ah!"

"Um Agent Merus, how did he end up in outer space?"

It clicked in my mind. That button did do something. Oops.

I nervously smiled."Oh...about that, I neglected to inform that I may have hit a button on the ship and I believed it did nothing while you were away. And coincidentally he just so happened to end on the other side of the ship…"

"Really Merus?"

I nodded. "Indeed."

'Irico' then instructed me to open the door in the back to allow 'Jaco' inside. I obliged and once inside I heard rumbling and screaming.

""Merus! This is exactly why you DON'T push random buttons when you don't know their function!" 'Jaco' suddenly screamed at me.

I blushed at my error in judgement as I apologized."Apologizes...I had no idea it would eject you out the aircraft."

"This is the second time you've done this. Seriously, don't repeat this."

"I won't…" Then another glowing button caught my eye. Located just on the steering wheel, with the words reverse printed on it."Wait what does this button do?"

"Merus, NO!"

**-Sorry for the delay, but I'm back! Made it longer for you guys for waiting. Tell me what you guys think in the reviews below. All are welcome!**

**NinjaEeveeKitty: Thanks, flattered and shocked but ok! I mean Merus is an angel, so him not understanding mortal things is pretty reasonable. You too!**

**To everyone else, see ya!**


	5. Drinking Hard And Twister Fiasco

**Thanks for the support guys! Appreciate it deeply, cause we got 400+ views so far!**

(Merus's POV)

On the way back to HQ, I was instructed to not touch glowing buttons without the permission of another pilot. I was also forbidden from ever touching anything that I wasn't supposed to. Apparently the reverse button took us backwards, a lesson I learned once we nearly crashed into HQ.

Thankfully, the park feature was useful and we managed not to crash. Though my passengers seemed to be dissatisfied with my piloting, and thus forbade me from having access to the wheel unsupervised.

How infuriating. I was being held back because they didn't like my piloting skills. Not my fault they designed the buttons to look aesthetically pleasing…

As 'Jaco' put it."Agent Merus is still...a work in progress in terms of piloting. We still need to train him against his impulsive decisions of pushing specific buttons."

My eyes rolled back into my skull. The Galactic King turned to me,"You seem like you have great potential Merus, but perhaps you should refrain from pushing buttons you're not supposed to. Older models like that aren't easy to repair."

I bowed my head out of respect to authority. A natural reaction to my programming and demands."I understand, your highness. I shall follow out these demands next time."

Once he left, I lowered my eyes. I used my ID card into the machine, doing what the mortals called him 'checking out'. It meant the end of our shift. Still something I had to get used to, as we had no such things back at home.

When I finished this process, I noticed 'Jaco' and 'Irico' were heading towards the main hall. I followed them, as I had never seen this before. We entered to see all the Galactic Forces were, drinking and socializing. I never participated in such events before and simply stood with them.

"Do you two what is going on? What is the function for this place? This doesn't look like what the rest of HQ..."

"This is basically our little lounge. The King had it constructed recently. It's where all of us can relax and enjoy life after hours."

I blinked in astonishment."A 'lounge' is to 'relax'? How do I accomplish this state of the 'relax'?" I put my hands in quotations.

'Irico' blanked."Merus, do you not know what relaxing is?"

"I mean normal concepts are foreign to him, Irico, can you really say you're surprised?"

I still do not grasp the concept of what this 'normal' is. But I want to try being the 'normal' as you call it.

My eyes drifted away from their conversation pertaining me, to a strange counter. Some mortals were gathered around the table, some unconscious. I approached the counter to see dozens upon dozens of bottles of liquid lined up neatly across.

I cocked an eyebrow as the names of the bottles caught my attention. I grabbed the bottle, pertaining a dark golden substance within the fancy glass bottle. My eyes widened profusely as the label read, 'Whiskey'. I looked up to see the other bottles labeled with bottles of this 'Whiskey' and 'Mojito', as well as 'Calvados'.

Whis, Mojito, Vados. They had beverages named directly or referencing my siblings? What type of sorcery is this? I wonder if brother knew he had a beverage named after him. Can't help but miss Whis. He was funny and kept me awake at home. I hope he is doing well without me.

"Hey Merus," I whipped around to 'Jaco' addressing me."Are you ok? You're kind of just intently staring at that bottle of 'Whiskey'."

"I'm...fine. I just wonder, what are these bottles exactly. Their names resonate with me and I'm curious about their origin. I've never seen anything like this where I hail from."

"Damn Merus, you're telling me you've never heard of alcohol?"

"I presume that this 'alcohol' you are referring to is this bottle, because I've never heard of 'Whiskey' before."

"Merus where are you from? The heavenly realm? Seriously you need to get out more."

"I told you I don't remember where I'm from. However, what is the purpose of this 'Whiskey' exactly? Is is designed to be a beverage?"

"Yeah. Drink it. Who knows, probably will help you live a little."

Live a little? What does that even mean?

I twisted the cap and sipped the 'Whiskey'. Tasted sugary sweet, smooth yet if felt somewhat hefty.

Absolutely divine I must say! Mortals do have refined tastes in this 'alcohol'.

I drank an entire bottle of 'Whiskey' before grabbing another...and another. Three whines became six, and six became forty five. I began drinking the entire cabinet of 'Whiskey' before I grabbed the 'Mojito'.

Heh, Mojito would love this drink, after all, it was named after him…

Tasted limey and a bit sour compared to what I was used to. Mint flavored as well.

I noticed when drinking 'Mojito' that 'Jaco' was staring at me strangely, as though I had grown a second head on my shoulders."Is something bothering you, 'Jaco'?"

"Ummm Merus, are you ok?"

I blinked in astonishment."What? Of course I'm fine. Why?"

"You drank an entire cabinet of alcohol. And you're on your way to devouring the 'Mojito' section. How are you not dead drunk? You should be completely intoxicated with the amount of alcohol you drank."

I narrowed my eyes as I was halfway finished with my drink."I feel perfectly fine. I do not understand what feelings I'm supposed to be experiencing." I'm a deity, I doubt I'd feel any negative side effects to drinking. We are deities, drinking wine wouldn't harm me in any way. Its not like I had to worry about my immune system failing.

"You're telling me you're not feeling hazy? Not feeling ill or anything?"

"Absolutely not. I do not feel ill. Why? How much can you drink?"

"Like half a bottle if I'm feeling brave. My race can't tolerate alcohol honestly. I'll take a shot of liquor but anything more is overboard. See? Your race can drink hard but mine can't." He took a shot of liquor, before roughly putting the glass down.

I erupted with laughter at 'Jaco's' hazy reaction. Coyly, I put a hand under my mouth."Oh ho ho ho! Oh my gods,'Jaco' you are just so funny!"

Ah, mortals are so hilarious. 'Jaco' especially, I cannot take him seriously. He's just too comical no matter what he does! Mortals are perfect entertainment!

"AAAAAAHHHH!"

"Hm?" 'Jaco' what was that noise?"

He squinted his eyes."They're playing Twister from what I can tell. Seems like they fell."

Upon closer inspection, it appeared that Agent 'Jaco' was correct, as I saw a horde of five patrollers squashed on top of each other, I had to admit, the sight was rather comical as they were trapped on the multi colored mat.

This 'Twister' certainly was a strange game if it ended like this. I wonder what the objective is and what function is.

"What is the objective of this 'Twister' exactly? I want to partake in this 'game'."

"Mainly just don't topple over. Else you'll bring everyone crashing down."

The objective was to survive until you drop. I see. What a fascinating 'game'. I'll enjoy savoring this victory against them. I offered myself up to play the game."Excuse me lower beings, but I would life to offer myself up with this 'game' of yours. You call it 'Twister' do you not? Am I allowed to join this game?"

I glared at me harshly, which of course I brushed this off. They were lower to me within rank were they not?

'Jaco' decided to join this little spectacle of entertainment. Agent 'Irico', who controlled the spinner, listened to what the other officers said to his ear, of which I couldn't hear.

I stood at the edge of the multicolored mat. Suddenly 'Irico' ordered me to put my right hand on red. I obeyed his order with ease. 'Jaco' was ordered to put his left hand green. I was ordered on multiple occasions to my hand and feet on the colored spaces.

It happened for ten minutes, and I remained firm with my ground. This was game was far too simple. Mortal games were far too easy. I will achieve victory! It was what I aimed for.

My eyebrows rose higher upon hearing snickering and giggles of the other officers.

I turned my head."What exactly is so funny? Why are you laughing?"

'Irico' snickered."Um Merus, look at your position."

What? I looked at my position as utter mortification claimed me. Oh my gods…

He was literally towering over me. My eyes widened as we both stared at each other my face burned at the humiliation. 'Jaco' looked just as horrified as I was.

My eyes were narrowed in a hostile manner as I turned to my fellow comrades."Oh ha ha ha, you're all **so **very funny…"

Another laughed."Come on Merus, you two look hilarious!"

Their sense of humor is awful.I find absolutely nothing funny about this whatsoever.

Suddenly I heard a snap and a bright light spread across the room. I blinked as 'Irico' held a strange device with a glass on it.

I collapsed as the light blinded me and immediately separated from 'Jaco'. "Agent 'Irico', what is that flashing device in your hand?"

"A camera on my phone. The pose you two are in was priceless!" I blankly stared at the photo as to my utter horror, Agent 'Jaco' and I were there. I was practically straddling his hips and due to where the spinner landed.

I was beyond mortified and stood there, frozen. 'Jaco' backed away, blushing. The others laughed to my growing rage.

"This picture is totally being photographed! I can't wait to share it with the rest of my family! Maybe hang it on a wall!"

I whipped around."You are not sharing that photo of me in such a scandalous position, I forbid i!"

"Too late, already shared it with all my friends!" I looked over his shoulder, and saw that it had hundreds of views and it was growing astronomically.

Oh my gods, the humiliation is killing me...How uncouth.

And then I read the captions…

'Jaco and Merus got in a hilarious position during twister! We purposefully spun the spinner to get them like that! We got em good!'

…

He tricked me. I've been made a fool out of, and their stupid pocket contraption caught it. How **dare **he...He made a fool out of me!

I feigned a smile, laughing with contempt."Oh ho ho ho! My, my, my what a **lovely** photograph of us. Isn't it just **fantastic**? I just **love **how hundreds of people have seen me in such a **degrading **position. I must applaud you for your **'comical'** plan." I then grinned manically, turning to all the officer's who dare made me look a fool."**I suggest you all run for your lives, that is if you value them**."

They all gulped and screamed as they fled from me. I chased them across HQ, having the time of my life! Who knew getting retribution would be so fun!

"Get back here, Agent Irico, I only want to rip your arms off! It won't hurt...that badly!" I teased.

**Done! Tell me what you think.**

**Merus, your Grand Priest side is showing. **

**NinjaEeveeKitty : That was my favorite part writing, its funny. Though this chapter is here to remind you that Merus is still an angel, who doesn't appreciate being made a fool of. **


	6. Innocent To A Fault

**Thanks for reading! Have a good day! **

**Reminder this is an AU and I can't read Toriyama's and Toyotaro's minds. He may be an angel in training in canon, but I am not rewriting anything at this point.**

(Merus's POV)

Over the next few days I tried to move past the incident by doing work. Outside of putting a few space pirates and criminals away, it was nothing out of the ordinary.

We were on our way back from another mission. I managed to capture a couple of criminals as they were causing damage to public property. They underestimated me and I sent them right into their cells where they belonged. Honestly they were so pathetic, the mortals lacked brain function, at least the criminal ones.

On the way there, I found myself something to drink of that divine 'Whiskey'. But I couldn't find it anywhere. Are you kidding me? Where had they placed the alcohol?

" Agent 'Jaco', why is there no 'Whiskey' here? I'm having a craving for that drink, why is there none in the containment department that you call a 'fridge'?"

"Merus, it's dangerous to fly and drink at the same time. Safety practices require there is no alcohol while we are on flight. Especially since we are on our way to delivering prisoners back to HQ."

I complained at the unfairness, as I wasn't even the one flying the aircraft. Why should I be subjected to rules when do not apply to me at my current status?"But I'm not the one piloting." I wasn't trusted after the 'reverse' button incident. I didn't need them hovering over my every action did I?

"Doesn't matter, we don't need our officers intoxicated or risk the temptation to drink it."

I scoffed, it wasn't like I would get affected by alcohol. I drank literally dozens of bottles of alcohol and there was no after effects from consumption. I was a deity so I wouldn't be affected like mortals would afterwards.

I decided to take the time to find something else to do until we got back to HQ. We had rounded out multiple criminals from across the galaxy today.

I noticed a strange pamphlet within the boards of the ship. I picked it up out of the shelf and drifted over the chair in an upturned position. I examined the pictures closely and looked in confusion.

Why were there pictures of mortal women in lacy clothes? Were they too poor to afford proper clothing? All these women were in strange positions and lacked proper clothes. What was the purpose for them being exposed like this?

"Agent 'Jaco', can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, what is it?"

"Why are there pamphlets of naked women in these pictures? What is the appeal to seeing women too poor to afford clothing put themselves on display?

"Merus, that's a pornographic magazine."

"Oh!...Pray tell, but what is this 'porn' that you call it?" I innocently blinked at the revelation.

"Emm...Um…"'Jaco' looked visibly frustrated.

I tilted my head."Is something the matter 'Jaco'? I don't understand what 'porn' is? What is the appeal of the naked people in this photo?"

"Well you see Merus, it's supposed to fulfill whatever sexual gratification people feel when looking at these naked women. It's about sexual appeal and what not, the works I suppose."

"So you're telling me people pay to see poor women with no clothing in the pamphlets?" Mortal concepts are such a mystery to me. Especially these magazines. I don't understand the appeal of seeing naked mortals with low economic status show themselves to the galaxy.

"Eh yeah. People honestly pay a lot of money for certain things if it's worth it. This goes for anything in society. Why? Are you curious enough to join and participate in one of the magazines?"

I coughed in disbelief, burning up in embarrassment at the mere notion."**W-What**? I would never participate in such a humiliating act. Putting my body on display for the entire universe to witness is not a favoring proposition."

"I'm just pulling your leg Merus, though have you ever had these things back at home?"

Whatever the phrase pulling your leg meant I had little care for it.

"Absolutely not. Such activities are looked down upon and seen with scorn and diststate. We consider ourselves too highly to participate in such vulgar activities. I'm far too pure for this galaxy to lay their eyes on. "

I could only imagine father's reaction if I dare participated in these activities. I'm certain that Zeno's erasure would be merciful in comparison to Father's wrath. We were always covered up and draped with robes, such little clothing would make me feel vulnerable.

"Explains your general innocence of this stuff is all over the universe. What kind of society do you come from?"

"A society of which you wouldn't be able to comprehend…We do not have these strange activities. I can't imagine myself dancing on a pole like this woman is. I'd turn into a laughing stock among them."

Angels are very reserved and we think highly of ourselves. Our purpose was to simply fulfill our function and obey orders. Reading this provocative pamphlets would be out of the question.

Father would be unhappy to put it mildly if anyone dressed in such loose attire. I could hardly tolerate the jumpsuit I was given, let alone these loose undergarments.

"Your culture really isn't all that lively? You can't seriously be telling me you've never had a haircut right? You at least had that?"

" A 'haircut'? What is a 'haircut'?"

He put the ship on copilot and pulled a magazine. Instead of the one with naked women in it, I saw males with different hairstyles and different species. Some had curly and thick hair, others had thin and straight hair. I flipped through the pages.

"Hey Merus, if you had to get one which one would you want?"

Me? Stylize my hair? Never had I contemplated the thought. Our hairstyle at the hierarchy stayed the same once we were created.

I blankly stared at the pages. Most of these styles wouldn't fit my hair type. My hair was shoulder length at best and rather thin in comparison to the males on display.

"I'm not quite certain…" Usually I had never had much room of choice, so the options were a bit overwhelming. I was used to others telling me commands and such.

"Hmm...how about this one?" He pointed to hairstyle. My eyes widened, it looked just like the one Father adorned. Father…oh how I missed him. Out of respect, I would never take after his hairstyle. I doubt he would want a broken reflection copying his style anyhow.

I weakly smiled."No thanks...it reminds me too much of someone…I prefer this one." It looked similar to the one I wore, but I didn't want to take any extreme styles. They drove me away with their strange looks and odd hair colors.

I selected the one that resembled that fungi, called a 'mushroom'. I thought about it, it would be fascinating to put this on my hairstyles. I wondered what it would look like if I adorned such a style.

"That one? Well if you like it so much, why don't you try it?"

I blanked."I've never stylized my hair before. Our culture doesn't appreciate drastic change, our hairstyles aren't considered important enough to customize drastically."

"Merus your culture is really strange. You guys need to learn to lighten up a bit. Having fun wouldn't kill you, you know?"

"Have 'fun'? Our culture doesn't partake in the 'fun' that you call it. What is the purpose of 'fun'?" I asked, the concept never grasped my tongue. We gods never truly had 'fun'. It was usually just following orders and obeying commands.

"Merus you can't tell me you've never had fun before."

"Entertainment gets stale. I've lost interest in 'fun' many years ago. We've never had to stylize ourselves for fun."

When you are as old as I am,it's a bit difficult to think about having fun in the hierarchy. We've never done much to customize ourselves once we were created, and altering our appearance too much would be frowned upon.

"Why don't you try to live a little? Try it, I'm sure you can stylize yourself just fine."

"Oh...Alright. I shall." Once told to do something, my programming immediately took it as a demand. I quickly went to the bathroom to attempt this style. I used the strange 'comb' and 'brush' to stylize my hair.

By the time I replicated the hairstyle, I was in doubt. My hairstyle resembled that of a mushroom, my bangs were making my eyes completely invisible to sight. I of course, didn't require sight to do things, but it gave off the allusion I wasn't able to see.

I must've been in the bathroom for quite some time, as Agent 'Irico' banged on the door."Agent Merus, you've been in there for an hour. What's the hold up!?"

"I'm coming, one moment please." I neatly organized my hair before reluctantly opening the door with a nervous look on my face. I prayed to the gods above that I had done it right."How do I look? Have I done it right?"

"Woah...Merus you look great. What happened to your hair?"

I sheepishly averted my gaze, I didn't expect compliments for my work."I changed the style…To fit what was in these strange pamphlets I found on the ship."

"Where did you learn how to do that? I've never seen you do your hair before."

"Because I haven't where I'm from, changing our appearance isn't valued and drastic change is frowned upon…"

"You're pretty good at styling your hair. Hey Jaco, Merus managed to style his hair correctly. Doesn't he look great?"

"I suppose. I'm impressed considering he's never seen a magazine before. Merus's society must be extremely strange, it's like he's never gone outside to see the world before. I feel like I'm talking to a male Rapunzel because of how dense he is."

"Of course I've gone outside, what exactly are you implying? And who and what is 'Rapunzel'? And why did you just call me dense? I'll have you know I'm very light for my weight."

'Jaco' sighed."Nothing you should be concerned about Merus…"

My eyebrows furrowed at this statement. Of course I went outside, I've seen far more life than he would ever witness. What could he possibly mean by that?

I then noticed the strange paint on the mortals faces in magazines."By the way, why do these women have strange paint on their faces? Is it because they are too ugly to be seen without the paint on their faces?"

'Jaco' and 'Irico' suddenly fell backwards in disbelief. I looked down in concerned, had I done something wrong? They fell over for some reason and I couldn't understand why. They just collapsed as though the gravity forced their bodies downward.

I blinked in confusion. I stood there, oblivious to what had occurred. That wasn't supposed to happen was it? "Oh my...Was it something I said?"

Mortal culture is certainly a strange one, something I shall never truly understand. But I'll try to adopt these cultures for the time being, to 'blend in' as they would put it. Though I'm still not sure why 'Jaco' compared me to that 'Rapunzel' person. Or what the general appeal of these magazines was.

**-Done. Thanks for reading my AU! The views are appreciated, reviews even more so. Tell me what your opinion is at anytime! Good or bad.**

**Sorry the lateness but I'm back with something before Christmas!**


	7. Penne, What A Gal!

**Thanks for supporting this AU with 700+ views! Keep in mind the minor enemies mentioned I had to add a bit of a personality too since they're minor characters. Scroll down, kay?**

(Merus's POV)

Mortal concepts are so strange. I had kept my hair in this mushroom like style, the bangs covering my eyes. I didn't understand the point in changing styles, as such was frowned upon at home, but it felt strangely relieving. I've never tried these strange concepts before.

It wouldn't be permanent of course, I'd change it back when it was necessary.

Never before had I seen such concepts, as the impoverished naked women in magazines or the strange paint they put upon their faces. If I dared to even bring it up with any of the gods...

Oh my Zenos, the utter mortification on Father's face would haunt me for years on are divine beings, meant to represent holiness and purity. These strange pamphlets were the opposite, seemingly targeting mortals lustful nature.

Bizzare was certainly the correct word to describe these mortal concepts. I was still learning and processing the functions of these in a society. I doubt we'd ever have such things in the hierarchy, and to an extent I'm thankful. I would never be able to get used to seeing poor women who couldn't afford clothes in a small book everywhere, nor the fact they had to paint their faces to look presentable.

I was still trying to examine this after we arrived at HQ, putting the space pirates away in their rightful cells. I do not understand why mortals had to put strange paint on their faces like circus freaks to look good.

Then again, I'm naturally perfect in appearance! How could you possibly improve a face like mine? Ah, that's right, you can't! I gazed into my reflection through the hand-held mirror. However instead of feeling vanity, I felt as though something was wrong with who stared back at me.

I remembered what my siblings said…I was 'cracked' 'flawed'. I should replicate that...I pushed my thumb against the edge of the mirror, forming a large crack.

I smiled. **Perfect. **

"Hey Merus, are you alright? You're smiling at a cracked mirror." 'Jaco' suddenly came from behind me. I already sensed he was there, but I didn't care too much for his presence until now.

"I am quite alright. Just...fixing what was flawed. What is the reason I am being summoned for exactly? You are here for a reason are you not?"

"Well the Marcareni Siblings have suspected sightings from our distress signals. Want to come check it out?"

I looked up from my mirror, putting it aside."Very well then. We shall go on this endeavor." Another day, another criminal to capture.

We left towards the coordinates. The planet we arrived to seem to be of a high mortal civilization. Something rare from what I see in Universe 7. When we landed, 'Jaco' still hadn't perfected his landing. I also neglected to acquire that stupid mortal contraption, called a seatbelt and thus was sent flying.

Agent 'Irico' and 'Jaco' were laughing at my predicament. The menacing glare I sent immediately silenced them. "Enough foolish laughter you two, let's arrest these mindless barbarians."

'Irico' nodded."Alright. Most likely they're robbing some place. I have the coordinates for all places with a large amount of valuables. I suggest we go after the banks first, it's usually where they start first. From what the distress call said they're all located in different places, splitting up to make capture harder."

"Of course, which way should we go?"

"Well I'll check the train station. Trains usually carry loads of valuables and what not. You and Merus can go to the banks. I hear there are multiple they are robbing."

"Agreed, lets split up and capture these rogues as quickly as possible." We went in separate directions. 'Irico' had handed me the coordinates to a bank of the west of the city.

I arrived to what I presumed to be the bank I was looking for. I wondered where the criminal was. It was quiet...a bit too quiet for my liking. I summoned my weapon. Suddenly my senses kicked in, tracking a short figure with a feminine build within the bank.

As I approached the building, I noticed she was wearing a black top and leggings. At the bottom she adorned white high heel boots. She seemed to have tied up captives within the building at the reception desk, most likely workers at the reception desk and customers.

"Alright, which one of you workers has the combination for the safe? I know you know it, so spit it out before I make you regret it." She appeared to have aimed the gun at their heads.

"W-We don't know."

"Filthy liars. Look one last chance before I shoot. As I was saying the combination…"

"Will be none of your concern, madam." I finished bluntly.

She suddenly turned around, features far more defined. She had pale green skin with short lavender hair, along with strange pointed ears resembling the kais, though I knew better than to assume she was one. Probably another species within Universe 7 that I was unfamiliar with.

She stared at me, suddenly looking infatuated as she eyed my body up and down. "Oh...Hey there hot and handsome..."

My eyebrows rose in confusion."I beg your pardon?"

"You heard me, what's your name handsome? Mine is Penne."

"It's Agent Merus to you. For your sake I suggest you surrender, Galactic Patrol HQ demands for your arrest, madam. Do not make this difficult."

"Tch... the one time a hot male shows up, it just has to be one out for my arrest. Look Merus, why don't you take your attractive self and go somewhere else? I'd rather not ruin your attractive face."

"I'm afraid I can't do that. The only way I'm leaving is with you and your siblings in Galactic Prison. Either surrender or I'll bring you in by force."

As expected, she seemed to choose the latter. I was prepared for criminals to fight as reason was unavailable in their brains. I shot at her multiple times with my gun, I was planning on stunning her, but she managed to move out the way.

I was limited to these tools from HQ, so she was being rather persistent in her efforts to avoid me. Suddenly she chucked a large column with her strength, I instinctively dodged this attack with ease.

This was too eas-Eh?

I abruptly saw her gloved hands to grab hold of me, her arms stretching to an abnormal length to wrap around me. Bewildered my this power, I found myself too stunned to react with mobility."What the hells!?"

To my chagrin, she was laughing at my humiliating predicament. Oh ha ha ha,absolutely **hilarious **isn't she? I'm practically a laughing stock aren't I?

I scowled."The nerve of yours is astounding! Unhand me at once you fiend!"

"Let me think about it...Nah."

"Why you-OOOOOOHHHHHHH WOOOAAAHHH!" My legs were suddenly being yanked upwards as though I was a marionette with it's strings being toyed with. I couldn't possibly fire my weapon at her while in such a compromising position.

Now if I was allowed to use my angelic abilities without compromising myself, this would be simple, but I prefer not being at risk of erasure, again….

Unfortunately I was unprepared for these movements. Such a move set with stretchy abilities was foreign to me and as such, I was hurled into the ground, up and down into the concrete.

It didn't hurt of course, but still such abilities caught me off guard. I was hoisted into the bank, crashing into a window. Certainly have caused enough damage to public property already…

I pushed myself upwards, only to realize last second that she still had grip over my leg, slamming me into whatever debris was in the way."Release me…"

"Not yet...I'm not done toying with you Merus. Have to say, you've been quite a problem for me, hasn't happened in a long time. But it's rare for someone competent and handsome to come by. Hmm...What an attractive face...First of your kind to catch my eye…before I leave I should leave you with a parting gift."

Narrowing my eyes, I glared as I was being held upside down."Oh? And what is that exactly?"

With no prior warning the scent of sweet cherries entered my nostrils as she put an iron grip on my face. In truth I was too stunned to react to such movements as the connection put me under a trance. I was unable to move away, lolling in awe. I could hardly process what had occurred as she laughed at my flustered expression before disappearing.

Oh my gods….what just happened? Was this some kind of spell she cast upon me? A witch perhaps?

"W-What sorcery is this? What have you done!?"

"What? Never been kissed by a gal before? You're really something Merus...But I have places to be, Pasta wouldn't appreciate me wasting time on you. It would be a shame if I had to kill you, so I'll leave you here for now. Though I think you'll be a bit tied up." She laughed, waltzing away as she did so.

"Pardon?" I looked downward to see she managed to tie me up on a lamppost, tightly bound with the rope. This had all happened while I was dazed. Absolutely fantastic."What the? Where do you think you're going!? Get back here and untie me!"

To my frustration, she was gone.

How dare that little sniveling thief! She made a **fool** out of me! I was fuming with blind rage.

The heavens must abhor me, my luck is abysmal. Not only was I bound to a city lamppost of all things, but I was on public display for the world to see. How was I going to get down from here?

**This couldn't possibly get any worse…**

"Little wrapped up there Agent Merus?" 'Jaco' asked cheekily.

By the gods, you have got to be kidding me!

I sent daggers at Agent 'Jaco' from below."Oh it's just you…'Jaco' . as you can see I'm in a bit of a predicament, mind doing something useful by freeing me?" I could see him smiling at my situation, much to my frustration. Oh ha ha, how very funny, I'm a laughing stock aren't I?

"Hmm...I don't know, you look rather funny up there. Maybe I should just leave you like that."

**"Agent Jaco..."**

"Quiet down, I'll be right there." He then took at a photographic device."Right after I save this photo and share it across the web."

My face burned red at the mere notion of a photo being taken of me in this position Not twice would I endure such humiliation tactics!"Agent 'Jaco' don't you **dare** attempt to share that humiliating photo of me in such a position! Release me right now!"

"Hold on, just one photo for the road and I'll get yo-"

"**AGENT 'JACO', HELP ME AT ONCE OR BY THE GODS SO HELP ME OF WHAT I WILL DO TO YOU WHEN I AM FREED FROM THIS POSITION WILL BE ANYTHING BUT MERCIFUL!" **

"Alright I'm coming. Sheesh Merus, you're such a drama king. Don't worry. I'm coming to the rescue." He finally did something useful and freed me. I brushed myself off with the landing and picked up my gun that landed on the floor.

"Thank goodness that's over. So humiliating…"

"Speaking of that position Merus, how did you even get tied up like that in the first place?"

"I'd...rather not discuss the topic..."

**Reviews are welcome! Keep yourselves updated cause I'll see you next time! After all this our few remaining times of 2019 that we still have! Give thanks even after the holidays!**


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